Colossians 3:18-4:1 Message

Christ In The Family And At Work
(A Jesus Centered House Church)
Colossians 3:18-4:1 Lesson 6
Key Verse: 3:23 Shp Kevin Jesmer NIU UBF

" Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,"

In any society there must be spiritual order in our relationships. The New Testament includes many instructions concerning relationships. Unless you are a hermit, you are constantly interacting with people. This summer I was interacting with thousands of fellow Dekalbers at the Corn Fest. It felt good to be around my peeps. Cornfest is one thing, but where else do we interact the most if not within our families, schools and jobs? In this passage Paul gives Christians instructions on how they can relate to others who are the closest in their lives. Paul gives rules for three sets of household relationships, husbands and wives, parents and children, and masters and slaves. In each case there is mutual responsibility to submit, love, to obey and encourage, to work hard and be fair. It is a difficult passage to study, because we all have not been perfect fathers, or children or wives or husbands or coworkers. It is difficult to talk about and discuss certain issues. But we need to admit that we all need to grow in these areas and face the word of God with courage and let it change us. Most people read these instructions for the other person and ignore the ones that apply to themselves. We must seek to find the appropriate verse(s) for ourselves and not think about the other person. Through this passage may we examine our family, school and work relationships and find out how we can relate to one another as God intended.

Part l: Christian Wives And Husbands (3:18-19)

After addressing the Christian community Paul’s next focus is on the family? (What is a Christian family if not a Jesus-centered house church?) Look at verses 18-19. " Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” The family is created and ordained by God. He created us to be united and be fruitful. Nowadays the definition of family is changing. For many it is not the atomic family of the biological mother and father. It could be mixed family with step brothers and sisters. It can be a family led by a single parent. It could be a group of people who come together because they are committed to one another, like students sharing a common life together. But there is one definition of family that I like. It is from a plaque that I have in my home that says, “Family…where each lives for the other and all live for God.” This is the best definition of family.

The family is meant to reflect the very heart of God. Actually, God forms a family with us. He is our heavenly Father. We have the privilege of becoming part of his family when we receive Jesus and believe in his name. (John 1:12) The family is a place to reflect the love of God and commune in that love. The family is the crux of God’s work. It is the unit that the church is built on. We need healthy, godly families to build healthy, godly churches. When people come in contact with such families they begin to have hope for themselves. They can have a sense of family. This leaves a lasting impression on Bible students. We can see that when we hosted Janice and her family. Zoe and Shyanna stayed for 8 months. Jamie stayed for a year and Janice for two years. Prior to that time their lives were in turmoil. But they could be exposed to our family. Though we are not perfect, God used us to give them all a glimpse on what a Christ centered family could be and they will always remember us. Indeed godly families are the foundation of any work of God.

The first relationship that Paul deals with is the husband and wife relationship. Wives are ultra important in God’s ministry. Wife, in Chinese, means “Sun in the house.” If there is no sun in the house then the children become very cold. Paul gives some very controversial direction to Christian wives? Look at verse 18, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” Submit, means to “yield; surrender” (The Mirriam-Webster Dictionary c. 1974) Submitting to another person is an often misunderstood concept. Submitting does not mean that women are slaves to their husbands. It does not mean becoming a doormat. In a Christian marriage relationship, both husband and wife are called to submit, subordinating their personal desires for the good of the other, while all the while submitting themselves to Jesus as Lord. For the wife, this means willingly supporting her husband’s leadership in Christ. We can not get around this. According to the Bible, the man is the spiritual head of the family. Ephesians 5:22-24 reads, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Why is submitting so emphasized? Let’s think about this.

But nowadays this is a very touchy subject. Most women do not agree that they should submit to their husbands. Most feel that marriage should be a life of perfect partnership where leadership is determined by the melding of two minds and wills, the husband’s and the wife’s, in perfect harmony. Maybe this is possible in the Garden of Eden, in the presence of the Lord himself. It might be possible when two completely rational people come together and pray prior to each decision to be made. It might be possible when two people are completely united in hope, and vision and mission. This would be the perfect scenario. But we are not living in the perfect world. People are not that rational and couples are not that united. People just don’t agree with each other and in their disagreements, they loose respect for each other. These could be contributing factors for the high divorce rate. When Christian spouses can not agree, even after praying to God, consulting their Bible and Christian friends and talking to their pastor, then what should they do? Call it quits? No way! The secret to overcoming is submission…yielding.

There are several reasons why submission is important. First, an attitude of submission creates a good environment in the home. When you analyze fights, most fight happen because nobody wants to yield. God’s work can not go on and his glory can not be revealed when there is strife. I know of Bible colleges that will not award a degree to people whose families are not in order. Even to those who have completed all of the course requirements. And rightly so. A house can be peaceful when people yield to one another.

Second, being able to submit is a sign of maturity as a person. Children will not submit to each other. From childhood girls are known to be more mature than boys. Maybe God knows that women have a greater capacity to yield than men do.

Third, submission is a reflection of the character of God. Think about it. What does God do when we are headstrong and insist on our own ways? Does he not yield and submit and step back and let us go our own way for a time? In this way God allows us to grow and mature without feeling belittled and crushed. Christ – at whose name “every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth” (Php 2:10)- submitted his will to the Father. We honor Christ when we reflect this same attitude of submission in our own lives.

Fourth, submission helps Christian husbands to grow spiritually. All women want a husband who is handsome, funny, spontaneous, adventurous, faithful and who can love them and provide for their families. They also want to have a spiritual man, who is sensitive to their spiritual needs. It would be nice if we could find such a person who has all of these qualities right away so that we spend all of married days in wedded bliss. But this is a fantasy. When we get married we are faced with each others’ quirks, weaknesses and sins and we easily become disappointed. God brings us together to grow and mature together. There is a saying, “Behind every great man is a great women.” If a women wants a spiritual husband, they need to help their “man” grow spiritually. When a woman respects her husband’s leadership, then the husband can grow to be a great man, even if his arms are like two wet noodles. Wives need to pray, plant God’s word, love, bare and respect, as well as submit. Then, when their “man” starts to blossom spiritually, becoming the “Hall Mark” man they always wanted. They will discover that God’s direction to submit was the best direction after all.

Submission is rarely a problem in homes were both partners have a strong relationship with Christ and where each is concerned for the happiness of the other. But there are some wives who cringe because their husbands are not believers and they are convinced that their husbands are taking the family in the wrong direction. Most times, women are more mature, more wise, more able and sometimes make more money, than their spouses. Some wives say, “Why should I submit to you?” This may be the case. But God still wants wives to wisely and prayerfully submit. 1 Peter 3:1 reads, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,” I say wisely and prayerfully, because there are ways that a godly woman can steer the family and still practice the Bible’s mandate to submit to her husband. Think of Isaac and Rebekah.

If all of these reasons don’t convince you that submitting to your husband is the right things to do then the bottom line is that it is a matter or obedience to God. Submitting to their husbands is like submitting to God’s sovereignty. It is an expression of faith in God.

We talked a lot about Christian wives, but what about Christian husbands? Let’s read verse 19, "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them." Paul might have brought this up because Christian men, influenced by Roman custom, were not used to treating their wives with respect and love. But Christian men must be different than your typical Roman man. How should a man love his wife? “Love” here, does not mean physical love “eros”. Physical love is limited. Paul means “agape” love, which is God’s love for people. Think about Jesus’ love for us. A husband must love his wife as Christ loved the church. Listen to what Paul says in Ephesians 5:25-28, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Jesus loved us unconditionally. Husbands need to reflect this love with their wives. Jesus’ love is also a love that takes the initiative. When there is a spat between a husband and a wife, someone has to take the initiative to restore the relationship. God is also evangelical in his love. God’s love is unconditional and sacrificial. With this in mind, we can determine to reveal Jesus to our wives. The best way is to have sincere concern for her spiritual life. Mostly Jesus gave up his life to save us. Husbands should commit their lives to loving their wives. If there is still confusion, then husbands should think about how much they love their own bodies. Then they will know how to love their wives.

The love of God is like heavenly sunshine. Love is like living water to a thirsty soul. A woman is like a beautiful flower that can blossom into fullness with heavenly sunshine. Just as men need a wife’s respect to grow as a man, a woman needs a husband’s love and care to blossom and grow. Then they continue to be more and more beautiful and spiritual. When children see and hear their parents loving and respecting each other, they can be very secure and happy. Indeed the best gift that a father can give their kids is to love their mother. And when the husband loves their spouse like this, then their wives are willing to submit to them. No wife needs to fear submitting to a man who loves her with the love of Jesus.

Paul tells Christian husbands not to be harsh with their wives in verse 19b. A husband should never be harsh. As we already established, women are like flowers. Men are rough and can easily crush flowers. Men try to protect their pride. They want respect. If a husband does not feel respected then some men react by being harsh. A man’s harsh treatment of his wife can come from a lack of understanding about humanity, thoughtlessness and selfishness. It could come from a lack of experience with the grace of God themselves. It could be a very bad habit. A husband should never be harsh. When a person is harsh it generally means that they are loosing their means of control. Harshness is a last desperate attempt to stay in control. There are other ways than to resort to harshness. What about praying for and serving each other instead? Ultimately, we need to realize our weaknesses and ask for God’s help.

Part ll: Children And Parents (20- 21)

In a house church, children have an obligation to their parents? Look at verse 20, "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." Children should not have selective hearing when it comes to obeying their parents. Nor should they be “home blind” to their parents’ commands. Children are called to obey their parents in everything. Obeying their parents has its roots in love and respect and honoring their parents. If there is no respect of love then nobody can obey anybody. Paul says in Ephesians 6:2-3, "2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." There a lot of advantages to obeying their parents. What about college tuition?

For their children to obey, parents need to have a team concept. We are all part of a team, Jesus’ team. If you are sincerely serving God, alongside your kids, and they know that you love them and love God, then they will obey you. You can’t be a disconnected parent with a “do as I say and not as I do attitude.”

Children need to obey. Ultimately they need to obey their parents because it pleases the Lord. And think about…if child can not obey their parents who they see, will they ever obey God. Children should practice obeying God, by obeying their parents. This type of relationship will become manifest if both parents and children put the interests of others above their own – that is, if they submit to one another. But there are limits to this obedience. Ephesians 6:1 reads, " Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." Children are not commanded to disobey God in obeying their parents.

But parents need to be very careful in raising their kids. Verse 21, “:21, "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." Embitter: “To arouse bitter feelings…marked by intensity of severity; distress or hatred.” (Merriam Webster Dictionary c. 1974) Children must be handled with care. Don’t alienate them by nagging, or destroying their self-respect. Never make them loose heart. Paul urges fathers to not make their kids angry, but rather plant the hope of God in their young hearts. How can they do this? It is simple, spend time with them, maintain communication, respect them, give them freedom and respect their choices, be a good influence. Have regular 1:1 Bible study with them. This is the best way to plant the hope of God in their young hearts.

Part lll: Christian Work Ethics (3:22-4:1)

Master and slaves were another important part of the society and Paul addresses this too. Look at verses 22-23, "Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men," Slaves played an important an important part in Paul’s world. There were several million of them in the Roman Empire. Some cites were 2/3 slaves. Because many slaves and owners had become Christians, the early church had to deal with the question of master/slave relations.

First, Christian slaves. Basically, Paul urges them that they must be slaves of Christ and do their best to work for the benefit of their master. Though they may be slaves humanly, they are not slaves in the sight of God. They are servants of God. They are called to lead their master’s household and fellow slaves to Christ.

Living in this world there are many bosses and many slaves. All of our political systems have, in some ways, produced a master class and a slave class. Some days we all feel that we are slaves to our bosses, our jobs, and our text books. Some of us are visa slaves. So what should we do? Slaves are told to work hard as though their master were Christ himself (3:22-25). Simply apply this principle to whatever situation you find yourself in. For example Christian employees should do their jobs as if Jesus Christ were their supervisor. Students should study as if Jesus was their professor. Your work can be an act of worship. When you have this attitude you can be happy because you know you are serving Jesus and will get a heavenly reward. Verse 24 reads, "24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

What should masters do for their slaves? Colossians 4:1, "Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven." Masters were to provide what was just and fair. They should pay them, provide health care, give them some leisure time, provide food and shelter, educate them. Most importantly they should provide a means for their slaves to worship Jesus. Today, those who find themselves in boss or supervisor positions should respect their employees. Leaders should take care of their volunteers. If you have responsibility over others, make sure you do what is right and fair, knowing that you are accountable to your Master in heaven. (4:1)

In this passage we learn that we should have God honoring relationships with people around us. Wives must learn the wisdom of submitting to their husbands. (and husbands must learn this too.) Husbands must learn to love their wives with a godly love. Children must learn to obey their parents in the Lord and parents need to set the example for their children. Christian workers and students must work hard as if they are serving Jesus himself and Christian supervisors must respect and provide for those under their care. When Christ is the center of all of our relationships then Jesus can be glorified among us and the kingdom of God can grow through us.